This little world I've come to know. So bright and beautiful to the naked eye, hides a negativity not real to the beautiful image it radiates. It is a sickness that keeps us asleep from the truth; a soft slumber in a world of dreams. What can I really create here? Distorting the images and foundation that God gave me to create my own, I am a self with thoughts and opinions well versed in facts and knowledge of this world we've created. But no matter how hard I try to pretend that I am this self, my journey takes an unexpected turn for I find that while this society is lively, it is lacking in honesty.
We aren't true to ourselves anymore. Or at least I'm not. I can convince myself that I can change into something or someone that will make a living and survive in the world, but what does that really gain? Where is the true solace that presides in the surface, for these surface creatures? I can find no other peace than the peace that is within. It is inherent, not found in the outside world. For no matter the desires we pursue, to what end do these cease? An endless cycle, rising from the ground like a geyser. My brain craves and lusts for new life in something material, a meal, or a video game, a cycle which never ceases. But as much as I desire for it to continue there it ends. A memory, a piece of time in my mind.
But the presence here is not a memory. It is. It is a pool of youth which I lose myself in. I am consumed by the simplicity. Patiently, and stressfully understanding how to completely forgive. When I cannot even forgive or love myself. Its the biggest wall in my heart, that I'm guilty of so much, even the smallest things seem grand in forgiving. I sit on my couch unawares of the world, focusing on this one moment to consume me, but I wait in agony.
This peace may never come.. For I cannot shake this Illusion I've created.
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