The Illusion I've created

This little world I've come to know. So bright and beautiful to the naked eye, hides a negativity not real to the beautiful image it radiates. It is a sickness that keeps us asleep from the truth; a soft slumber in a world of dreams. What can I really create here? Distorting the images and foundation that God gave me to create my own, I am a self with thoughts and opinions well versed in facts and knowledge of this world we've created. But no matter how hard I try to pretend that I am this self, my journey takes an unexpected turn for I find that while this society is lively, it is lacking in honesty.
We aren't true to ourselves anymore. Or at least I'm not. I can convince myself that I can change into something or someone that will make a living and survive in the world, but what does that really gain? Where is the true solace that presides in the surface, for these surface creatures? I can find no other peace than the peace that is within. It is inherent, not found in the outside world. For no matter the desires we pursue, to what end do these cease? An endless cycle, rising from the ground like a geyser. My brain craves and lusts for new life in something material, a meal, or a video game, a cycle which never ceases. But as much as I desire for it to continue there it ends. A memory, a piece of time in my mind.
But the presence here is not a memory. It is. It is a pool of youth which I lose myself in. I am consumed by the simplicity. Patiently, and stressfully understanding how to completely forgive. When I cannot even forgive or love myself. Its the biggest wall in my heart, that I'm guilty of so much, even the smallest things seem grand in forgiving. I sit on my couch unawares of the world, focusing on this one moment to consume me, but I wait in agony.
This peace may never come.. For I cannot shake this Illusion I've created.

Time to wake up

It's a Wednesday Morning, and even after 4 hours of being awake I have an unsettled feeling in my gut. The feeling where even though I'm positive I have my banking password down in my head, every time I enter it, its incorrect. There's a time in life when the adult side clicks. Does that mean there's no more time to enjoy ourselves and be childish? Certainly not. However, the way we approach the responsibility is different in comparison to being a copious teenager. In my experience, the grind of high school seemed like a simulation, not a great impact to my real life. In college however, that significantly changed, and thousands of dollars into my education and I'm realizing more and more its not just the information I learn in the classroom, its how I internalize those skills and make them apart of my everyday life as a lure for future opportunities. 

Accounting is a field that I've been around all my life, my father's gone to amazing places after switching to engineering at Uconn. His natural abilities as an engineer fit perfectly into the analytic and plan based skills needed in accounting. But even from there, his life went forward in ways he had no idea about. He got an offer from the Big 6 (Now Big 4) and even though he had been promoted several times at his small firm, he took the job to his coworkers frustration. While working at his new job, he worked with someone who had connections overseas in the Carribean, making more money in his spare time than he would if he had worked for seven years in his original job. My dad eventually started working in the Caribbean full time. They made a partnership firm and my Dad was the general manager of a hotel in Anguilla named Cap Juluca. He retired at 35 for a bit, before meeting my mom and having a family.
The incredible thing about my Dad is he always give the most realistic advice in the world. He doesn't fluff things up like other parents might, maxims like," You can do anything you want! You can go anywhere you set your heart to be" His advice is more along the lines of," You need to find something that will let you survive." His explanations about taxes and expenses have made me think deeply about the financial discrepancies we face here in America. 

Growing up is about being able to face the facts of what our world is facing, that the environment is in danger, that human trafficking is one of the largest institutions connected to pornography, that animal poaching is out of control and many animals are getting closer to being on the books, that the largest living reef is in dire condition. I get so nervous reading about these issues and wonder how can I do anything about it if I don't have the skills necessary to access these issues and find the solutions? 

Our generation is going to have one of the biggest burdens to bear when it comes to be our time. We need people to wake up and stop smelling the roses, we need to save the roses. 

Friends, this is a message about a perspective, which God has given me. It's a path which is intertwined in love that has never ceased in my whole existence on this Earth. I don't want to seem arrogant or prideful, I want to share because everything that has happened to me has been because of a deep love that resides in the universe. Read and think about this testimony and see if it can be valuable to you.

One night as a young teen, I was doing homework, I loved to procrastinate but that night as I sat to finally concentrate, an image flashed in my head of a man holding a heart, with a loving light flashing around him, he was peaceful and holy as can be. In my excitement, I realized I can recreate this vision through mending pipecleaners. I gathered my pipecleaners on my bed and with the vision in my mind I made first a man, he was represented by a yellow and pink scheme, but the color was not important, the message was far more valuable to me than anything else. I used white pipecleaners to make a foundation for where he stood, and from the foundation where the man stood, singular wire strips with fur imbedded within were extended out over the mans head in a circular fashion. I took the figure to my therapist and he said he's had the same vision, except the people were orbs.
Its shows the 

Friends, this is a message about a perspective, which God has given me. It's a path which is intertwined in love that has never ceased in my whole existence on this Earth. I don't want to seem arrogant or prideful, I want to share because everything that has happened to me has been because of a deep love that resides in the universe. Read and think about this testimony and see if it can be valuable to you.

One night as a young teen, I was doing homework, I loved to procrastinate but that night as I sat to finally concentrate, an image flashed in my head of a man holding a heart, with a loving light flashing around him, he was peaceful and holy as can be. In my excitement, I realized I can recreate this vision through mending pipecleaners. I gathered my pipecleaners on my bed and with the vision in my mind I made first a man, he was represented by a yellow and pink scheme, but the color was not important, the message was far more valuable to me than anything else. I used white pipecleaners to make a foundation for where he stood, and from the foundation where the man stood, singular wire strips with fur imbedded within were extended out over the mans head in a circular fashion. I took the figure to my therapist and he said he's had the same vision, except the people were orbs.
Its shows the 

The Peace of God is Shining in me now

We are our own greatest weakness, as long as our mind remain separated from God.
So say, growing up in this world, and being surrounded by a new environment. Remember we had to learn how to associate the things of this world to retain a specific meaning and usefulness. Normal behavior is defined by knowing the functionality of a chair, eating utensils and Humans are so well known for their tools.

Forgive, and you will see things differently
In this moment a storm rages in the mind.
As the sword brings distraction to the light within
Swing at the proclaimed enemy, to strike at a brother
And each strike is meaningless to the inner light we share
You and I, are both the same.
Both grieving at the world around us,
Two separate entities united in the same disease
A conscious extends its perception around this room
Limiting the degree that it is aware of the oneness we share.
For you and I are united, born of the same spirit which dwells within
The illusions which creep over, like a vine spreading through these walls,
As thoughts to divide the innocent and divine
In two different worlds, we walk not aware,
If I forgive I will see you differently
And the vines will crawl to their origin,
and the sword will be placed on the ground
And I will see you in truth, my siblings all around
I will see you differently as I saw you before,
with a newness and a love I had hidden
I will not hold past grievances against you,
For they are not occurring now.
I hope you will see this new change in me
and learn to see me differently too.

When i learn of you, peace falls through me like a waterfall,

I am comforted knowing there is serenity within, and taught to the world

every second I can choose your way, walking through a path unknown

my mind is lost because it cannot comprehend,

the extent of everything coinciding together, uniting into a singular perception which I am always certain, will guide my way home.

Home is not a place I have to find, it is not a title I have to earn. Home is wherever I am in the moment, for I am comforted by everything around me, no matter where it is.
The mind uses fearful characters to create scenarios of danger, but if I remember love first, where can fear cause me harm?
Where do I experience conflict, if conflict cannot be registered in my mind. It is a silent state, everything illuminated and newly discovered. I have been here hundreds of times, I have sat here for many years, but there is not a moment where the scenery around me is not magnificent. The fountain I sit on, the benches lined up around it.. may they be lying still, but such beauty can be found in the most generic things. The generic is so, only if we associate it with mediocrity. It is not hard to find beauty in the most simple things, the most common things we experience day to day can be beautiful if we allow them to be. I may look rugged but my outer layer is not representative of the inner light which God has revealed. God opens this light simply with a yes to surrendering our self image, and everything illusionary we think brings peace, to a truth which eliminates the major factors of the egos survival, who am i? what will i do to survive? who will love me?