The Illusion I've created

This little world I've come to know. So bright and beautiful to the naked eye, hides a negativity not real to the beautiful image it radiates. It is a sickness that keeps us asleep from the truth; a soft slumber in a world of dreams. What can I really create here? Distorting the images and foundation that God gave me to create my own, I am a self with thoughts and opinions well versed in facts and knowledge of this world we've created. But no matter how hard I try to pretend that I am this self, my journey takes an unexpected turn for I find that while this society is lively, it is lacking in honesty.
We aren't true to ourselves anymore. Or at least I'm not. I can convince myself that I can change into something or someone that will make a living and survive in the world, but what does that really gain? Where is the true solace that presides in the surface, for these surface creatures? I can find no other peace than the peace that is within. It is inherent, not found in the outside world. For no matter the desires we pursue, to what end do these cease? An endless cycle, rising from the ground like a geyser. My brain craves and lusts for new life in something material, a meal, or a video game, a cycle which never ceases. But as much as I desire for it to continue there it ends. A memory, a piece of time in my mind.
But the presence here is not a memory. It is. It is a pool of youth which I lose myself in. I am consumed by the simplicity. Patiently, and stressfully understanding how to completely forgive. When I cannot even forgive or love myself. Its the biggest wall in my heart, that I'm guilty of so much, even the smallest things seem grand in forgiving. I sit on my couch unawares of the world, focusing on this one moment to consume me, but I wait in agony.
This peace may never come.. For I cannot shake this Illusion I've created.

Time to wake up

It's a Wednesday Morning, and even after 4 hours of being awake I have an unsettled feeling in my gut. The feeling where even though I'm positive I have my banking password down in my head, every time I enter it, its incorrect. There's a time in life when the adult side clicks. Does that mean there's no more time to enjoy ourselves and be childish? Certainly not. However, the way we approach the responsibility is different in comparison to being a copious teenager. In my experience, the grind of high school seemed like a simulation, not a great impact to my real life. In college however, that significantly changed, and thousands of dollars into my education and I'm realizing more and more its not just the information I learn in the classroom, its how I internalize those skills and make them apart of my everyday life as a lure for future opportunities. 

Accounting is a field that I've been around all my life, my father's gone to amazing places after switching to engineering at Uconn. His natural abilities as an engineer fit perfectly into the analytic and plan based skills needed in accounting. But even from there, his life went forward in ways he had no idea about. He got an offer from the Big 6 (Now Big 4) and even though he had been promoted several times at his small firm, he took the job to his coworkers frustration. While working at his new job, he worked with someone who had connections overseas in the Carribean, making more money in his spare time than he would if he had worked for seven years in his original job. My dad eventually started working in the Caribbean full time. They made a partnership firm and my Dad was the general manager of a hotel in Anguilla named Cap Juluca. He retired at 35 for a bit, before meeting my mom and having a family.
The incredible thing about my Dad is he always give the most realistic advice in the world. He doesn't fluff things up like other parents might, maxims like," You can do anything you want! You can go anywhere you set your heart to be" His advice is more along the lines of," You need to find something that will let you survive." His explanations about taxes and expenses have made me think deeply about the financial discrepancies we face here in America. 

Growing up is about being able to face the facts of what our world is facing, that the environment is in danger, that human trafficking is one of the largest institutions connected to pornography, that animal poaching is out of control and many animals are getting closer to being on the books, that the largest living reef is in dire condition. I get so nervous reading about these issues and wonder how can I do anything about it if I don't have the skills necessary to access these issues and find the solutions? 

Our generation is going to have one of the biggest burdens to bear when it comes to be our time. We need people to wake up and stop smelling the roses, we need to save the roses.