Today I want to talk about my ongoing experiences with God.

I had been agnostic as a child, never grew up in church except for a Lutheran Church my parents took me too. When I was young, I had a teacher which taught me basic knowledge of the The Course In Miracles, which inspired a lot of my poetry when I was younger. He told me about this entity called the Ego, which I created, the Holy Spirit, which abides in us all, and myself, who chooses between the two: I wrote this when I was young

Like You, I Cry

Feeling the wind rush past my face.

Winter.

It’s all I feel,

The same freezing white snow.

Step, step, thump, thud,

I walk through the snow.

On the sidewalk, lonely,

Three friends.

Only Max walks by my side.

Talking. Talking about

How and who we are:

“Why are we here,” I ask,

“Who created us?”

Max answers,

“God is the thing who created us.”

A huge gust sweeps us off our feet,

Onto the cold ground.

We laugh.

All I want is to have just one happy moment.

Life can be in many different forms.

Find those forms.

Live to find out.

It's simple, but remember, God always has a part in our lives, and he always influences us in some way. He always gives us a right or wrong decision. And it is our responsibility to see the right one.

When I was 17, I made the wrong decision because my sadness overlooked my reason. And in my pain I tried to reach out to him,"God, if you are up there, if you exist, will you help me know you, because I do not know what to do anymore". I wrote this about that experience:

Escape

The sound fades and grows,

Never sure yet it always expands in prominence,

Never great, but mystical in tempo,

It seems constant, slowly overtaking the mind

So innocent at first, an experience to become a nightmare

The scream overtakes a soul and fear clouds the mind.

Lifting medial objects seems like lifting a boulder,

The breath difficult and the sweat pouring from shoulders regularly strong

Something’s hidden, something’s lost

Must find the way of escape, must find a way out

Must understand what is the right passage…

Now calmly sit through the storm, the melody of chaos,

Thoughts and fears shoot across a room,” BAM”

Switching swiftly, worrying about the future, the mistake,

What is to come?

Prepare for the worst, but how to solve this insanity, what must a lost soul do?

The Horns of jazz sing, the creativity seems wild, there is a loss of hearing, checking reality as if it was not there. Help the mistake, drag it from Hell, pull its handles and pray for a higher purpose.

Give the scream to love, sitting in an ocean of fear and misunderstanding.

Any fear is still here in the blistering cold,

One bursts forth, challenging a misconception, challenging the escape, retreating to reality, the sweet haven of support calls even though no sound penetrates the ear drum.

The tone deaf shadow runs through the doors, to find another who can give redemption.

And one is surprised, but the magnitude of escape the soul pursued

Never falter, drink the water, and deny it happened

Yet sleep never came.

The dawn creeps upon the night as eyes stare wide open,

The safeguard is called; quick embraces and misunderstanding fill a shaken room.

A blurry shot of questions follow, must report, must find why this lost soul would hurt itself so.

Climb to the red blur, the needle pierce the sin.

A ride to remember

Thoughts of worry, shoot again across the mind, make it balanced, they ask more questions

Make sure you talk through the storm, these people are not mindful of it, ease the people around you that care. Whit gowns scurry across the room.

Handing black liquid to expel the evil that seemed good,

The eyes never shut, what you did was a lie

Try to survive and draw attention to the mess,

The depression that pushes the soul, drives it to insanity

The hate that grows larger, and the hole getting deeper,

One must wonder where the path of life leads

And so escape seems necessary. Gather the essentials for survival, ready to face any challenge

Yet escape is to get away from, to draw oneself from what could be most important to life

This sets back to primal instinct, unable to deal with the robotic and redundant application that society asks him

Please hurry father, the son has found his error

Misunderstands this selfish act

Loved ones gather and support,

A lost soul now knows that one is never alone, and they are always there for it

Yet fate has other things in store, hooked to machines, the body asks for release,

Yet human error harms this body, and movement is not as swift.

A terribly depressing man walks into the room, he projects only hatred, for he is largely misunderstood, more so than the lost soul who lies in screaming confusion and depravation.

Leaving now, home at last, finally the call of attention pays its dues. Living in an old familiar home, the lost soul is found, laying on the grass, the world not the world, but something of one. The found one knows purpose

It punches the mind with a book

The course of miracles, the lesson of love

The true path is found, the escape lives on as but a memory,

The selfish act solves suffering, for not the search for redemption continues, and with it a goal, a lesson.

To love one, for one is all. 

That's all for now, 

I want to write a quick prayer:

Dear God, thank you for all your works,

Thank you for the joy you bring to all things, 

I am so grateful that you have saved me from myself,

and set me free from the hatred I once knew. 

Please love all my brothers and sisters,

Please give love to all my family and my friends. 

Show me the way and let us know you and love you