The Illusion I've created

This little world I've come to know. So bright and beautiful to the naked eye, hides a negativity not real to the beautiful image it radiates. It is a sickness that keeps us asleep from the truth; a soft slumber in a world of dreams. What can I really create here? Distorting the images and foundation that God gave me to create my own, I am a self with thoughts and opinions well versed in facts and knowledge of this world we've created. But no matter how hard I try to pretend that I am this self, my journey takes an unexpected turn for I find that while this society is lively, it is lacking in honesty.
We aren't true to ourselves anymore. Or at least I'm not. I can convince myself that I can change into something or someone that will make a living and survive in the world, but what does that really gain? Where is the true solace that presides in the surface, for these surface creatures? I can find no other peace than the peace that is within. It is inherent, not found in the outside world. For no matter the desires we pursue, to what end do these cease? An endless cycle, rising from the ground like a geyser. My brain craves and lusts for new life in something material, a meal, or a video game, a cycle which never ceases. But as much as I desire for it to continue there it ends. A memory, a piece of time in my mind.
But the presence here is not a memory. It is. It is a pool of youth which I lose myself in. I am consumed by the simplicity. Patiently, and stressfully understanding how to completely forgive. When I cannot even forgive or love myself. Its the biggest wall in my heart, that I'm guilty of so much, even the smallest things seem grand in forgiving. I sit on my couch unawares of the world, focusing on this one moment to consume me, but I wait in agony.
This peace may never come.. For I cannot shake this Illusion I've created.

Time to wake up

It's a Wednesday Morning, and even after 4 hours of being awake I have an unsettled feeling in my gut. The feeling where even though I'm positive I have my banking password down in my head, every time I enter it, its incorrect. There's a time in life when the adult side clicks. Does that mean there's no more time to enjoy ourselves and be childish? Certainly not. However, the way we approach the responsibility is different in comparison to being a copious teenager. In my experience, the grind of high school seemed like a simulation, not a great impact to my real life. In college however, that significantly changed, and thousands of dollars into my education and I'm realizing more and more its not just the information I learn in the classroom, its how I internalize those skills and make them apart of my everyday life as a lure for future opportunities. 

Accounting is a field that I've been around all my life, my father's gone to amazing places after switching to engineering at Uconn. His natural abilities as an engineer fit perfectly into the analytic and plan based skills needed in accounting. But even from there, his life went forward in ways he had no idea about. He got an offer from the Big 6 (Now Big 4) and even though he had been promoted several times at his small firm, he took the job to his coworkers frustration. While working at his new job, he worked with someone who had connections overseas in the Carribean, making more money in his spare time than he would if he had worked for seven years in his original job. My dad eventually started working in the Caribbean full time. They made a partnership firm and my Dad was the general manager of a hotel in Anguilla named Cap Juluca. He retired at 35 for a bit, before meeting my mom and having a family.
The incredible thing about my Dad is he always give the most realistic advice in the world. He doesn't fluff things up like other parents might, maxims like," You can do anything you want! You can go anywhere you set your heart to be" His advice is more along the lines of," You need to find something that will let you survive." His explanations about taxes and expenses have made me think deeply about the financial discrepancies we face here in America. 

Growing up is about being able to face the facts of what our world is facing, that the environment is in danger, that human trafficking is one of the largest institutions connected to pornography, that animal poaching is out of control and many animals are getting closer to being on the books, that the largest living reef is in dire condition. I get so nervous reading about these issues and wonder how can I do anything about it if I don't have the skills necessary to access these issues and find the solutions? 

Our generation is going to have one of the biggest burdens to bear when it comes to be our time. We need people to wake up and stop smelling the roses, we need to save the roses. 

Friends, this is a message about a perspective, which God has given me. It's a path which is intertwined in love that has never ceased in my whole existence on this Earth. I don't want to seem arrogant or prideful, I want to share because everything that has happened to me has been because of a deep love that resides in the universe. Read and think about this testimony and see if it can be valuable to you.

One night as a young teen, I was doing homework, I loved to procrastinate but that night as I sat to finally concentrate, an image flashed in my head of a man holding a heart, with a loving light flashing around him, he was peaceful and holy as can be. In my excitement, I realized I can recreate this vision through mending pipecleaners. I gathered my pipecleaners on my bed and with the vision in my mind I made first a man, he was represented by a yellow and pink scheme, but the color was not important, the message was far more valuable to me than anything else. I used white pipecleaners to make a foundation for where he stood, and from the foundation where the man stood, singular wire strips with fur imbedded within were extended out over the mans head in a circular fashion. I took the figure to my therapist and he said he's had the same vision, except the people were orbs.
Its shows the 

Friends, this is a message about a perspective, which God has given me. It's a path which is intertwined in love that has never ceased in my whole existence on this Earth. I don't want to seem arrogant or prideful, I want to share because everything that has happened to me has been because of a deep love that resides in the universe. Read and think about this testimony and see if it can be valuable to you.

One night as a young teen, I was doing homework, I loved to procrastinate but that night as I sat to finally concentrate, an image flashed in my head of a man holding a heart, with a loving light flashing around him, he was peaceful and holy as can be. In my excitement, I realized I can recreate this vision through mending pipecleaners. I gathered my pipecleaners on my bed and with the vision in my mind I made first a man, he was represented by a yellow and pink scheme, but the color was not important, the message was far more valuable to me than anything else. I used white pipecleaners to make a foundation for where he stood, and from the foundation where the man stood, singular wire strips with fur imbedded within were extended out over the mans head in a circular fashion. I took the figure to my therapist and he said he's had the same vision, except the people were orbs.
Its shows the 

The Peace of God is Shining in me now

We are our own greatest weakness, as long as our mind remain separated from God.
So say, growing up in this world, and being surrounded by a new environment. Remember we had to learn how to associate the things of this world to retain a specific meaning and usefulness. Normal behavior is defined by knowing the functionality of a chair, eating utensils and Humans are so well known for their tools.

Forgive, and you will see things differently
In this moment a storm rages in the mind.
As the sword brings distraction to the light within
Swing at the proclaimed enemy, to strike at a brother
And each strike is meaningless to the inner light we share
You and I, are both the same.
Both grieving at the world around us,
Two separate entities united in the same disease
A conscious extends its perception around this room
Limiting the degree that it is aware of the oneness we share.
For you and I are united, born of the same spirit which dwells within
The illusions which creep over, like a vine spreading through these walls,
As thoughts to divide the innocent and divine
In two different worlds, we walk not aware,
If I forgive I will see you differently
And the vines will crawl to their origin,
and the sword will be placed on the ground
And I will see you in truth, my siblings all around
I will see you differently as I saw you before,
with a newness and a love I had hidden
I will not hold past grievances against you,
For they are not occurring now.
I hope you will see this new change in me
and learn to see me differently too.

When i learn of you, peace falls through me like a waterfall,

I am comforted knowing there is serenity within, and taught to the world

every second I can choose your way, walking through a path unknown

my mind is lost because it cannot comprehend,

the extent of everything coinciding together, uniting into a singular perception which I am always certain, will guide my way home.

Home is not a place I have to find, it is not a title I have to earn. Home is wherever I am in the moment, for I am comforted by everything around me, no matter where it is.
The mind uses fearful characters to create scenarios of danger, but if I remember love first, where can fear cause me harm?
Where do I experience conflict, if conflict cannot be registered in my mind. It is a silent state, everything illuminated and newly discovered. I have been here hundreds of times, I have sat here for many years, but there is not a moment where the scenery around me is not magnificent. The fountain I sit on, the benches lined up around it.. may they be lying still, but such beauty can be found in the most generic things. The generic is so, only if we associate it with mediocrity. It is not hard to find beauty in the most simple things, the most common things we experience day to day can be beautiful if we allow them to be. I may look rugged but my outer layer is not representative of the inner light which God has revealed. God opens this light simply with a yes to surrendering our self image, and everything illusionary we think brings peace, to a truth which eliminates the major factors of the egos survival, who am i? what will i do to survive? who will love me?

It is my conviction and opinion, that as we are diverse and unique souls in the universe, there is one source which we seek. A place of belonging, an environment filled with people or activities we love, good moments with those we care about and new ways of finding our identity. I wonder why there is the collective desire to find love because it seems to be a calling of humanity we forget. Its nice to enjoy the small moments seeing the trees move with the wind, or saying something that brings about a smile. I hope these moments of kindness are shown to you, as well as finding the conviction to give kindness to others as well. Even in the most difficult days when the storm is brewing, we can still find comfort in the arms of our brothers and sisters nearby.

There's moments when everything seems to be falling apart
I see the worst in who I am. Is that where I will go?
I imagine myself as a vile being
And I hate a part of me I don't understand
I want to grow and be successful
If I make money, so be it
If I live on the streets, I will wander
It matters more I discover who I am
Am I a person of peace,
or am I a person who will constantly mess up the opportunities set before me
spiral downward and end up regretting who I am
I don't want to hide anymore
I don't want to look the other way
It is easier to turn away from the truth because we can't accept it
So Tonight,
Maybe that will be something I will discover in my dreams
Maybe I will have to wait longer for me to accept who I really am
How do I rise above these insecurities and forgive myself for my own misperceptions
for my own misunderstanding and stubbornness

The last few weeks have been difficult
Life seems to stand at you with an iron rod, threatening you to do better
to achieve something greater so you don't worry about the rest of your life.
Do I wonder where I am going now?
It feels like a trap when I choose a high road, the low road jumps in front of me as I walk along
I don't know if I could really last long upon the way that would be positive because I don't love who I am
In the endless search for meaning, I wrote this poem a while back, and it gave me hope. Love

Broke down, I will close my eyes and heal

For now, I am awakened to my true meaning

Would I deny, a debt I've been ignoring

By diving deeper into a world unknown

Where things seem out of place

The world is not a steady pace

Where nothing is everything 

And silence the loudest music

Where freedom is a blanket

That covers every fiber of being

It holds you tightly and shows you 

Even when you're unaware of what it would want

A love so tender and so rare 

Even the clouds move to find it 

I am an open book to the world
glance my pages as I walk by,
Read the message, and get to know the
story behind my smile

It was written in ancient times, before man walked these halls
When there was only one Name..
Such magnificent form grew from just one spark,
A roar of OM, from the blot of timelessness to the ever now
Here is where I AM came from,
And hence never resting even as these words form
I AM, came as a vision of oneness
Magnificent to the young lost eye,
Deepening the trance to which it would pull him

Such a heart, faces tribulation, even though things are given him,
Sloth, when success is at his doorstep. Distracted by many things, most certainty
Slender curves effeminate

I AM, is always there. When falling through wells of guilt
Seeking pleasures which bandage the soul
Finding pathways which have no true purpose
It sits like a lake in the sunlight, giving to all around it,
it is taken for granted, and quite distracting

The Lake is my smile,
When I am sad, I close my eyes and swim in its endless water
If guilt tears my soul, I drink ever more
When I am lonely, I lay beside it and it soothes me
Now and forever more,
I would never forget that I AM truly love

Here's some poetry :D

Complicated

A mind holds many puzzles,

Lost as the walls grow bigger,

The ferns expand thicker. 

Where will you turn?

His tree grows as he clings to

The material objects that surround him.

In lost hope, we find plenty of reason

Put all your doubts aside, 

For there has always been a simple answer.

Love runs deep

Love runs deep,

As empathy quickens

Roots flow through the dirt.

Guilded, this disguise is no hypocrisy

Yet looking upon love,

It looks weak,

Cliché, orginal,

But within it is the light that guides,

Truth brings the loss of fantasy,

The individual is no longer of value,

For love does not distinguish

And then difference is forgiving,

And how loving is she who understands

That love runs deep

Untitled

Now, the moment has come

In every second, love gets nearer

Steps walk softly towards what is true

A large hall, quivers with fear of the past,

The chairs jump at identity

Defining what has been, with whom

Sticks to the mind like wall paper

Stretched on the outer layers of the mind,

Pretty and disguising in form

Yet walking through, with peace,

The walls fall down, the institution fades away

The holy instant erases such fantasy

And the true walls are revealed

Not withered and riddled with guilt, old vines hanging

But slated with white marble,

As a sign of peace, of true promise,

Where mans guilt slides down. 

Hi, things have been pretty up and down lately, I apologize for not posting but I wanted to share a particular dream I had last night. What shocked me is even though the dream said that this state is not of our world, I believe it is. you'll see what I mean in a moment.

On one world, deep in space, there are two classifications of time. In the dream it was depicted by two divergent fountains, the left side a red and ominous flow of an essence, not a liquid. The left stream flowed slower than the other, and there was no middle ground between them.  The right side was more graceful and wholesome, it was a bluish flow of essence, one that was accelerated and due to this there was a more harmonious flow of the essence. These streams of time, one accelerated, and one slower, were representations of a grander scheme-- by this I mean, each stream represented a world in which we live. The stream which was slower, was depicted by a man opening his door, a red ominous light in the background, and an intense fear of ," What have I done? Why is this happening to me?".  He is met by an authority figure who is going to take things away, strip him of his rights and take his life possibly. There was also a feeling of desperation, people knew they weren't going to survive, so they go to higher levels of violence to make their ends meet. Sadly, in this scenario, the men who had committed a dangerous act, faced even more imminent danger because the police forces were coming to kill them. It was a frightful way of being no doubt, I hope none of it is too familiar. The scenario of the harmonious stream however, was far more peaceful. Since time was more accelerated on their end, their civilization thrived. Everyone was at peace and the world was united. People jumped in joy because the faster time stream was the sole reason for their harmony, connections, and success. There's not much more to say because in all honesty, no words could describe the peace that was achieved by the accelerated stream. Note, that the order that I described the two time streams was in the order of the dream itself.

What to take from this dream: Dreams are the basis for our unconcious, for whatever reason, this dream may resemble my own unconscious desires and dual persona, or this dream may be a sign that our species has a higher purpose and higher cause than the wars and deception that it wages. Blessings to all, God loves you

Avery

Lesson 323

I gladly make the "sacrifice" of fear.

Here is the only "sacrifice" You ask of Your beloved Son; You ask him to give up all suffering, all sense of loss and sadness, all anxiety and doubt, and freely let Your Love come streaming in to his awareness, healing him of pain, and giving him Your Own eternal joy. Such is the "sacrifice" You ask of me, and one I gladly make; the only "cost" of restoration of Your memory to me, for the salvation of the world.

And as we pay the debt we owe to truth,–a debt that merely is the letting go of self-deceptions and of images we worshipped falsely–truth returns to us in wholeness and in joy. We are deceived no longer. Love has now returned to our awareness. And we are at peace again, for fear has gone and only love remains.

(Course In Miracles Lesson 323 http://acim.org/Lessons/lesson.html?daily_lesson=323) 

Here is a bit of work from others that I really enjoyed, the theme to a degree is how Christ is apart of us and the way we carries ourselves as representatives of Him (2Corinthians 5:20)

Our Source of Strength

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

— Philippians 4:13

Sheep are timid, fearful creatures. Because of their very makeup, it's almost impossible for them to lie down unless they are free from all fear. An entire flock can go stampeding off into nowhere because a rabbit jumped out of a bush.

Yet how like sheep we are! We can be afraid of so many things: afraid of losing our health . . . afraid of losing our wealth . . . afraid of losing our loved ones. In fact, sometimes it seems we can be afraid of life itself.

Certainly there are a lot of frightening things out there in the world today. Violent crime is at epidemic levels. We wonder,Will I get on a plane and have it blown up by terrorists? Will I keep my job? Will I be robbed walking down the street? Will I contract a terminal disease?

Jesus Christ, the Good Shepherd, will protect you and stands as your representative before the throne of God. Jesus Christ, who paid the price for your salvation, stands as your righteousness, giving you access into the presence of God. As the Scripture says, Jesus is the One "in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through faith in Him" (Ephesians 3:12).

As believers, we can have boldness and authority, not because of who we are, but because of whose we are. Jesus is our strength. He is the one who gives us boldness. That's one more reason why we never want to stray from His side! Instead, we want to stay as close to Him as possible.- Greg Laurie www.harvest.org

My Grandfather James Van Pelt wrote this and shared it with me

The difference between one whose spiritual progress has put them on the Path, and one whose spiritual state is located well prior to that, is indistinguishable when either of them is acting from compassion—devoting energy, attention, and resources to the well-being of those whose needs they are in a position to alleviate. However lowly your spiritual state may be, however unworthy your life and actions, 'When you do this [act from care and kindness] to the least of these, you do it unto Me' (Matthew 25:40), and in so doing you render yourself indistinguishable in that act, in that moment, from the most spiritually advanced being, and indistinguishable in fact from Christ Himself; you become imago Christi ministering to imago Christi. In that moment you are more authentically yourself than in any other moment of your life, and if there is time for reflection you will sense that.

Hebrews 13 says

Hebrews 13

Concluding Exhortations

13 Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. ² Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.³ Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

Message to ISIS 

Dear ISIS, 

How dare you claim to serve a God. 

No matter the name of the God you serve, there is no justification for the atrocities you have done to your own people! Part of the reason that religion gets a bad wrap is because people use God to justify their own causes and ambitions,

Is this a familiar phrase?

" Killing a man is acceptable because he believes in a different God than I do."

God is not a tool to justify your means, God is not a path of war and destruction which takes countless lives because of a different view than you. Both Islam AND Christianity serve one God. Aren't they the same God then? How can you kill God's people, strip them of their lives when to God, life is the most sacred thing in the universe. 

I imagine that there is a lot of pain in the path you all are choosing because you are blinded by your hatred to the point of needing to harm anyone that does not conform to your path. And this is a path that breeds self destruction, God does not need to raise a finger to watch you crumble from within. And you will crumble because this path is against human nature. People are meant to love, God is Love, he is not a weapon that controls people, he is not hatred; and the hatred he bears is not anger but distaste to what is not of him.  His tool is a tool of freedom, meant to change lives and heal the wounds of the past. And his son, Jesus is the light of the world; which shines so brightly through the darkness; the Christians who are lost because of your war against your own brothers brought them into their Fathers arms.. May the warriors of Jihad, soon become lovers of Jesus Christ, and their judgement be not from man, but at the throne in Heaven. Any opinions on the content of this blog I'll be thankful for.. 

Avery Mezzanotte

May I rest in the Arms of my Father

May I seek now, the way to God. 

For I have been through a world where all investment is in tatters, 

where all my efforts to live for myself leave me sad with who I am, 

frustrated at the world outside, hurt and broken by the distractions of the world,

May I now turn to a God who loves me, he who shows me a way that does not lead to death,

Shows me healing in his love and peace in his presence. 

I find wisdom in his word and truth comes out of the pages and touches my soul, 

where one day I will stand at the throne and my choices in life will directly affect my life evermore. 

Now I am confused, for I see two paths which I could follow. But one is the destruction of my soul, and another is the rebuilding of who I am. I struggle with both because such destruction is easy, but rebuilding the foundation of who I am is a trial I sometimes cannot bear to face. If I am lost, then certainly, my God would redirect me, complete trust in his plan for me and his role for me... One I hope to follow but feel I must sacrifice for. And there is one who sacrificed everything for us all, who sat and faced persecution despite his innocence, who knew God would not forsake him so he said it so we would never feel the same. 

I confess him every day, his name and my graciousness for his mercy, his fearlessness never ceases to amaze me. May I rest in the arms of my Father one day, as Jesus is now. 

It's been a long time since I've been on here.
There has been so much movement in my calling to serve God. He has made it so clear to me in the people I've met at church, in campus ministry, in even basic interactions that he's there and has never left my side. I sometimes would get so angry when things would never work out, I would feel by myself, just Avery in the world, even when I was among other people. I was wrong though, because it's not just Avery. It's Avery and my best friend Jesus Christ, who saved me and is the center of my life. God gives greater join than any other way we could follow; and sometimes that path takes awhile because we develop a character that resists what God wants us to be. The beauty is that God wants it to be our decision to serve him; he wants us to love him and isn't a tyrant that says, "I'm the ruler of the universe, bow down to me." He says, " I love each and every one of you more than you can realize" Jesus says in John 15," As the Father loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my fathers commands and remain in his love."

However, I am still facing a deep issue that I don't know how to solve on my own, it's so difficult to give our life's to God and to live according to his teachings. But may we all learn and be blessed.

Jesus is there when things don’t seem right. When our minds are filled with fear, Jesus is the light which we can turn too, where everything will be alright. When we trust in God, our possibilities are endless. Something I’ve learned by simply being somewhere we can meet people who will change our lives. If we trust that God is leading us in the right direction when we walk and when he guides our minds to say things that glorify him and lift all to a higher plane of realization. A conversation can be a turning point for someone if you trust that by encouraging them you also lift yourself higher. It has been scientifically proven that positive thoughts affect water molecules. In this scenario however, we’re encouraging human beings to be the best they can be in Jesus by giving words of encouragement and guidance. Sometimes to do this it is necessary to not trust our own intuition, but the wisdom that God gives us through the reading of the Bible and the firm conviction that this is so. In Titus it says,”Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.” With the love of God, we will change to people of righteousness. “Collosians 3:5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.  Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.”

When you wholesomely believe that Jesus is your savior, and you act that Jesus is your savior, then Jesus is your savior. We cannot say things that we don’t put our heart into, because that isn’t being honest with who we are. SO if God is the one you know you want to worship with your heart and soul, say it in your prayers, and say it to your friends and family. If you’re fearful that the calling of God will cause you to lose or be sacrificing, you’re perfectly right, because we are dying to the self within Adam’s fault, and finding a higher self that glorifies God in all they do and say. It may seem like a loss, but it is such a great gain. What would the world bring us but death and pain? Exactly, you store up treasures on Earth,  “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19-21. It says right in the bible, that whichever servant we choose, we make drastic choices. There isn’t a grey area, there’s the world, and then there is Jesus. Trust that Jesus will bring you clarity and peace. Yes, the fear of God is necessary, but be safe that he loves us and cherishes us all equally.

Prayer: Lord I pray you will reach out with your love and presence unto all the people in the world who have trouble trusting you. We are unbeknownst to your ways, because you such a vast mystery we are often fearful of the outcome you have intended for us. But God I pray that through trusting your way we can truly find a path which allows us to flourish with joy, yet be challenging in every aspect. I pray that you lift up all those going through hardship. And that any obstacle they face now, they are lifted through it by trusting you deeper than before. Give them the confidence and strength to fight on and grow within these obstacles. That in this growth they know it was not only their triumph but a triumph which glorifies your way deeper than ever. Thank you God, in Jesus Amen.

Wanted to share some amazing thoughts that have truly inspired me in my life.
Don't ever be scared about whats going on in your life, trust that God has a plan for you and will lead you through the challenges that you face. Never back down from your faith in God because he will always deliver you from any troubles. There will always be moments when we don't think that God is there for us, we will always doubt, but we need to look at the examples of the Disciples and the generations of prophets who put their faith in God and faced terrible challenges but always came out sending an earth shattering message and inspiring millions. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8yScQN4W5s

Sincerely hope you enjoy this sermon from Vertical Church, truly inspired me. Be strong and know God is beside you